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CREATING A FEMINIST
LANGUAGE
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CREATING A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
MAY 2011
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I have defined Ladies as people who did not do things
themselves. Gwen Raverat (1952)
Women are not ladies. The term connotes females who
are simultaneously put on a pedestal and patronized. Cynthia Heimel (1993)
Ladies are just those of us who have been silenced. Jennifer
Stone (1994)
A young lady is a female child who has just done something
dreadful. Judith Martin (1982)
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FLUSHING THE SNEAKY SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
Give us that grand word "woman" once again,
And let's have done with "lady"; one's a term
Full of fine force, strong, beautiful, and firm,
Fit for the noblest use of tongue or pen;
And one's a word for lackeys.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1888)
Lady Day, Ladyfingers; Lady Bird; Lady luck; Lady Apple; Belladonna in Italian means a beautiful lady, in English
a deadly poison. The word surrounds us, so where do we go from here? We dislodge it from our vocabularies. As Rosalie
points out, Lady’s a word that describes women as ornaments, as being removed from any hint of sexuality. Now that
isn’t where we want to go, is it? –Joan Michel
LADY
 Many
good people have trouble understanding the objections to "lady." "But isn't that a nice word?"
they ask. "The concept of 'lady' goes far beyond a single word to a whole way of life" (Alette Olin Hill,
Mother Tongue, Father Time). "Lady" defines women as ornaments or decorations rather than real people,
as arbiters of both manners and morals, as members of a leisured class, as beings removed from any hint of sexuality,
as needing protection from real life, as "too good" or "too special" to "dirty their hands";
it is classist, condescending, trivializing, and anachronistic.
According to the unspoken operating instructions that come with a "lady,"
a "lady" doesn't go into combat, work on her car, organize a union, argue publicly with a co-worker,
make more money than the men she knows (or even earn a salary at all), or sweat (she perspires).
"To want 'equal pay for equal work' and at the same time to be treated 'like
a lady' are inconsistent and incompatible objectives" (Laurel Richardson, Feminist Frontiers). "Lady"
was once the equivalent of "knight" in the social order, and it has also been paired with "gentleman,"
yet neither of these terms is used today in the way "lady" is.
Mother Jones, the angel of working
miners
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The objection to the term is not new or particularly radical as a handful of the
hundreds of opinions on it will show: "Ladies were ladies more by virtue of the things they didn't do than
by the things they did. The other sort of woman had a different, more positive set of values" (Harriet Martineau,
1837); "There is a difference between women and ladies. The modern parasites made ladies, but God Almighty
made women" (Mother Jones, 1912); "What restricts the use of the word 'lady' among the courteous is that
it is intended to set a woman apart from ordinary humanity, and in the working world that is not a help, as women
have discovered in many bitter ways" (Miss Manners, 1982); "Girls do what their mothers tell them. Ladies
do what society tells them. Women make up their own minds" (Karen Kijewski, 1989).
Note too that "lady" is used sometimes to express annoyance where "woman"
is not ("Hey, lady, I was here first!" or "Look, lady, we're sorry, okay?"). There are three
times when the use of "lady" is unobjectionable: when referring to a female member of the House of Lords;
when you want to convey a sense of breeding, delicacy, or graciousness ("she's a real lady"); when it
is paired with "gentleman" ("Welcome, ladies and gentlemen"). According to the New York Times
Manual of Style and Usage, "Except in wry contexts, lady is obsolete for woman, just as gentleman is obsolete
for man." The National Public Radio Style Guide is more curt: "Do not use as a synonym for woman."
ABOUT ROSALIE
 Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE MAGGIO
was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli e sorella,
her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from their past
and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, MN, Rosalie
is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every year and her hobbies
include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular interest to feminists
are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language," "The New Beacon
Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership," "Talking
About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life", "How
to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is "Unspinning
the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Check out Back Issues "I Am
Woman, Hear Me Talk" - just click here: Feminist Language
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to Rosalie: maggio1@juno.com or to Joan: womansvoice123@gmail.com.
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CREATING A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
MARCH 2011
FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
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It is not that i am playing
word games, it is that the word games are there, being played, and i am calling attention to it. Alice Molloy (1973)
My heroines are always
virgins. They never go to bed without a ring on their fingers; not until page 118 at least. Barbara Cartland (1996)
Words are name tags which
save us the trouble of thinking about the objects or ideas which they represent. Here exactly lies their capacity
for mischief. Judith
Groch (1969)
Words set things in motion.
I've seen them doing it. Words set up atmospheres, electrical fields, charges. Toni Cade Bambara (1980)
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A hero in Greek mythology and folklore was a mythological
or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability. First applied to human men
in the 14th century, it wasn’t until the 15th, when “hero” extended to more general moral excellence, that heroine
came to signify female heroes. So today, do we call a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities a hero,
and a woman with the same heroic qualities a heroine? No, Rosalie insists. Given the devaluation and discounting
of woman-associated words in our language, it seems best to support hero, a neutral term, for all.—Joan Michel
HERO/HEROINE
The words "hero" and "heroine" convey subtle--and sometimes not so subtle—differences to a
reader or an audience. (See sidebar quote. Do we imagine that heroes are also virgins?) We need to use "hero"
for both men and women. In 1939, Amelia Earhart wrote, "No one can scan the shelves of teen-age reading matter
without being struck with the fact that girls are evidently not expected to join in the fun. There are no heroines
following the shining paths of romantic adventure, as do the heroes of boys' books.
Jan van den Hoecke
Hero bewails the death of Leander. Hero, a priestess of Sestos, loves Leander who swims across the Hellespont to
meet her, but drowns.
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For instance, who ever heard of a girl--a pleasant one--shipping on an oil tanker, say, finding the crew about
to mutiny and saving the captain's life (while quelling the mutiny) with a well-aimed disabling pistol shot at
the leader of the gang! No, goings-on of this sort are left to masculine characters, to be lived over joyously
by the boy readers."
Things aren't that different today. Once you set up women as a subset (a heroine is a female hero), there's no
longer any equality. To say that "hero" is the masculine form of the Greek word, while "heroine"
is the feminine is really only useful if you are speaking Greek, which we are not.
Also, oddly, two of Greek mythology's best-known lovers were named Hero and Leander, and Hero was not the manly
half. Although theoretically it should be possible to use "hero" and "heroine" in a gender-fair
manner, they are already subtly weighted in favor of the broader, more prestigious "hero" and, given
the devaluation and discounting of woman-associated words in our language, it seems best to support one neutral
term. Do you think of Norma Rae as a hero or a heroine? Joan of Arc--hero or heroine?
Do you have one image of a hero, another of a heroine? The most common use of heroine today is the reference to
the female main character in a literary work. But you can just as easily refer to her as the protagonist, the main
character, the central character ... or as the hero of the story.
COMMENT FROM VFA MEMBER SUZANNE MESSING
REGARDING HERO/HEROINE
Hi -- I get your point of c ourse, but I am
not sure I agree. Why should we cave in to people's perception of the difference between hero and heroine. Why
not just create, in stories, heroines doing the sort of thing boys do and keep our special female designation.
In other words just upgrade a heroine's activities and not turn her into a gender neutral being. suzanne messing
REPLY TO SUZANNE FROM ROSALIE MAGGIO
Hi, Suzanne!
Thanks very much for writing. I would probably have agreed with you at one time, and you might even be right in
principle. In the real world, however, there seem to be two problems with trying to make "hero" and "heroine"
functional equals:
1. It's been found that reclaiming words is just about impossible. Can you imagine trying
to reestablish "mistress" as as equal for "master"? Or to get people to think about the real
and historical meaning of "witch" as opposed to all the inaccurate cultural baggage the term carries?
Many groups have tried to restore original meanings to words or to do away with negative connotations of certain
words. It has not worked.
2. Whenever two "parallel"
terms, one for women and one for men, have come into the language, the woman-associated term has always been devalued.
Almost without exception. (You might say that "bride" and "bridegroom" work, in that the male
term is based on the female term, and that the female term is much more the center of attention, etc. However,
there's a lot of other cultural factors attached to that particular pair.) Anyway, linguists and feminists have
pretty much agreed that one word for both sexes allows for parity between the sexes more satisfactorily than two
separate words. For good reason we have abandoned words like "stewardess" and "directress."
(That's another reason I prefer "chair" to "chairwoman" or "chairperson"--one word
for both sexes.)
Thanks again for weighing in and for inspiring me to think about this issue again. Rosalie
ABOUT ROSALIE
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE MAGGIO
was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli e sorella,
her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from their past
and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, MN, Rosalie
is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every year and her hobbies
include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular interest to feminists
are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language," "The New Beacon
Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership," "Talking
About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life", "How
to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is "Unspinning
the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Check out Back Issues "I Am
Woman, Hear Me Talk" - just click here: Feminist Language
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to Rosalie: maggio1@juno.com or to Joan: womansvoice123@gmail.com.
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I took Josiah out
to one side, and says I, "Josiah Allen, if Tirzah Ann is to be brought up to think that marriage is the chief
aim of her life, Thomas J. shall be brought up to think that marriage is his chief aim." Says I, "It
looks just as flat in a woman, as it does in a man." Josiah Allen's Wife (1872)
That seems to be the haunting
fear of mankind--that the advancement of women will sometime, someway, someplace, interfere with some man's comfort.
Nellie L. McClung (1915)
Sexism goes so deep that
at first it's hard to see; you think it's just reality. Alix Kates Shulman, (1978)
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CREATING
A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
FEBRUARY 2011
FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
The word Parallel equals similar, analogous, or interdependent in tendency or development and extending in the
same direction, everywhere equidistant, and not meeting, as in parallel rows of trees. Or, as Rosalie points out,
in the words and expressions used in talking about women and men in the same context, when the parts of a written
or spoken statement preceding or following a specific word or passage usually influence its meaning or effect.—
Joan Michel
PARALLEL TREATMENT
Parallel treatment of terms is essential
when discussing different groups; "white" and "nonwhite" are not parallel; neither are "Jewish
persons" and "Protestants."
 The problems with nonparallel treatment are most easily seen in gender asymmetries.
If you refer to a woman as Margaret Schlegel, refer to a man in the same material as Gavan Huntley. If he is Huntley,
she will be Schlegel; if she is Margaret, he will be Gavan; and if she is Ms. Schlegel, he will be Mr. Huntley.
Do not make of one sex a parenthetical
expression: "hats off to the postal employees who manned (and womanned) the Olympic stamp cancellation booths";
"each nurse had her (or his) own explanation." Male-female word pairs are especially troublesome.
- (1) Certain words are used as parallel
pairs, but are in fact asymmetrical, for example, cameragirl/cameraman, man Friday/girl Friday, mermaid/merman,
makeup girl/makeup man. The most common offender in this category is man/wife; the correct pairs are man/woman
and wife/husband.
- (2) Other words are so unequivalent
that few people confuse them as
 pairs,
but it is revealing to study them, knowing that they were once equals: governor/governess, patron/matron, courtier/courtesan,
master/mistress, buddy/sissy, hubby/hussy, dog/bitch, patrimony/matrimony, call boy/call girl, showman/showgirl,
Romeo/Juliet. We all know what a Romeo is, but if we didn't we could look it up in the dictionary; this is not
true of a Juliet. A call boy is a page; a call girl is a prostitute. Buddy is affectionate; sissy is derogatory.
A study of word pairs shows that words associated primarily with women ultimately become discounted and devalued.
Muriel Schulz calls it "semantic derogation."
- (3) Acceptable words and constructions
sometime become unacceptable because of the nonparallel way they are used. For example, a male and three women,
aldermen and women, and two girls [referring to women] and a man should read: a man and three women, aldermen and
alderwomen, and two women and a man.
ABOUT ROSALIE
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE MAGGIO
was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli e sorella,
her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from their past
and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, MN, Rosalie
is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every year and her hobbies
include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular interest to feminists
are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language," "The New Beacon
Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership," "Talking
About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life", "How
to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is "Unspinning
the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Check out Back Issues "I Am
Woman, Hear Me Talk" - just click here: Feminist Language
...
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to Rosalie: maggio1@juno.com or to Joan: womansvoice123@gmail.com.
Back
to Table of Contents
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Political language
forms a linguistic category of its own, one in which words serve not as exact descriptive symbols but as empty
formulae designed to push specific emotional buttons in the guileless listener. ---Brooke Allen (2006)
I have met far more discrimination
as a woman than being black in the field of politics.--Shirley Chisholm (1989)
I've run into more discrimination
as a woman than as an Indian --Wilma
Mankiller (1997)
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CREATING
A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
JANUARY 2011
FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
Reverse is a trick play
in American football, a cricket delivery, a type of bid in contract bridge. It’s backing up a vehicle, turning
a vehicle. through 180 degrees, reverse engineering, and the emerging field of reverse speech. You can find someone
through a reverse telephone directory and play a game of reverse with your mouse but, Rosalie advises, it is definitely
a mistake to couple it with discrimination.---Joan Michel
REVERSE DISCRIMINATION
Although this term has its own dictionary definition now, its linguistic and real-life legitimacy is still much
debated. On the level of language, the word "reverse" is illogical: discrimination is discrimination;
how is discrimination somehow different, needing a special label, if it is leveled against traditionally dominant
groups? Mary Daly (Wickedary) says it helps see the issue if you replace "discrimination" with "oppression."
"The ludicrousness of reverse oppression is more obvious....
 We can see that oppression is
something done by the institutionally powerful to the powerless. That is, the agent is exposed. We can then see
that “reverse oppression” would imply oppression of the institutionally powerful, an obvious and absurd contradiction.
On the level of everyday experiences by individuals, affirmative action may not be administered as effectively
as it should be, but remember that the line after "I never promised you a rose garden" was "I never
promised you perfect justice" (Joanne Greenberg).
And "studies using equally qualified black and white testers to apply for the same job have consistently found
that whites are disproportionately favored in hiring; this speaks to the myth that white guys can't get jobs because
women and minorities are taking them all." (Demetrius P. Junior, Minneapolis Star Tribune).
In Fighting Words, Patricia Hill Collins relates the astonishing
story of the secretly taped Texaco executives' meeting to discuss Bari-Ellen Roberts's bias suit. First they referred
to her as a "smart-mouthed little colored girl" and then said, "This diversity thing. You know how
black jelly beans agree." And then one said, "That's funny. All the black jelly beans seem to be glued
to the bottom of the bag." So when you see the phrase "reverse discrimination," give it a second
look, and delete it if you can or replace it with what's really going on.
ABOUT ROSALIE
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE MAGGIO
was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli e sorella,
her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from their past
and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, MN, Rosalie
is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every year and her hobbies
include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular interest to feminists
are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language," "The New Beacon
Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership," "Talking
About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life", "How
to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is "Unspinning
the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Check out Back Issues "I Am
Woman, Hear Me Talk" - just click here: Feminist Language
...
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to Rosalie: maggio1@juno.com or to Joan: womansvoice123@gmail.com.
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to Table of Contents |
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According to the
dictionary: "in modern apprehension man ... primarily denotes the male sex, though by implication referring
also to women." I am not sure that "by implication" fully expresses the degree to which I wish to
feel included in the human race. Jane O'Reilly (1980)
Accuracy of language
is one of the bulwarks of truth. Anna Jameson (1855)
Exclusion is always
dangerous. Inclusion is the only safety if we are to have a peaceful world. Pearl S. Buck (1962)
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CREATING
A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
DECEMBER 2010
FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
Although waaay back then the word “man” was gender neutral, meaning more or less the same as the modern word “person,”
hundreds of years ago it started to refer exclusively to a male human. Sooner or later women were being referred
to as “wifmann,“ meaning female human, obviously pigeonholing women as subsets of men. Wifmann eventually evolved
into “woman,” which evolved into “wif” and eventually into “wife,” so here we are again.
The word "man" is also commonly used to express exclamation in American verbal communication, as in "Man!
This has been one tough word to get rid of!" – - Joan
Michel
The men that man the life
boat, a painting
by John Morgan.
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MAN/MANNED
This pair of words seems difficult for people to replace (I still see it way too often) and yet some quite descriptive
words are available to suit the purpose. For the verb, use operate, staff, run, supply a crew/personnel for, supply
with/furnish with personnel/crew, people, populate, work, serve at/on, station, take stations at, control, cover,
occupy, equip, hire, employ, outfit, arm, brace, fortify, garrison, fit out, prepare, protect. For the adjective,
use staffed, crewed, peopled, populated, operated, serviced, stationed, worked, run, covered, handled.
MANKIND
Another "man" word that still has legs is "mankind." Here, too, more precise words exist.
 Be creative. What about humanity, humankind,
people, human beings, humans, human society/nature/species/creatures/populations, the human race/family, civilization,
society, individuals, one, creatures, creation, all creation/generations, mortals, body, somebody, someone, anyone,
souls, living souls, all living souls, society, all of us, ourselves, everyone, early peoples, we, us, mortality,
flesh, folks, persons, the public, the general public, the world, community, the larger community, nation, state,
realm, commonweal, commonwealth, republic, body politic, population, residents, inhabitants, adults, citizens,
taxpayers, workers, members, participants, hands, parties, earthlings, worldlings, our ancestors, women and men.
Or, be specific: Neolithic peoples, early settlers, 15th-century Europe, civilization as we know it. "Mankind"
is not a generic. It's all very well and good to claim (as some people do), "When I say 'mankind,' I mean
everyone." It doesn't matter what you say. It matters what people hear. And they hear "male people."
With so many versatile alternatives, you will also improve your writing by avoiding the inaccurate "mankind."
Rosalie Maggio
ABOUT ROSALIE
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE
MAGGIO was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli
e sorella, her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from
their past and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St.
Paul, MN, Rosalie is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every
year and her hobbies include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular
interest to feminists are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language,"
"The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership,"
"Talking About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life",
"How to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is
"Unspinning the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Check out Back Issues "I Am
Woman, Hear Me Talk" - just click here: Feminist Language
...
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to Rosalie: maggio1@juno.com or to Joan: womansvoice123@gmail.com.
Back
to Table of Contents |
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I am an actor; I don't
understand actress. You don't call doctors "doctoresses" or "doctorettes," you call them "doctors."
Whoopi Goldberg (1989)
They say that there
is no reality before it has been given shape by words rules regulations. They say that in what concerns them everything
has to be remade starting from basic principles. They say that in the first place the vocabulary of every language
is to be examined, modified, turned upside down, that every word must be screened. Monique Wittig (1969)
A trite word is an
overused word which has lost its identity like an old coat in a second-hand shop. Anais Nin (1950)
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NOVEMBER 2010
CREATING A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
We should get at calling women
girls. This is far more damaging and affects all of us both directly and indirectly, wrote EddaC@aol.com in response to last month s actor/actress issue. It sure does, but you still hear women
addressed as or referred to as girls. If you re watching old movies you ll hear an awful lot of it, even for women
years out of the class. Will constant attention to its inappropriate usage make the difference? Here s Rosalie
s take on the matter. Joan Michel
GIRL/GIRLFRIEND
"Girl" is reserved for pre-teens or at the most for those 15 or under; it is objectionable and demeaning
when used by men for young women or women. Some women refer to themselves and their women friends as girls, out
of long habit, local custom, or because they still think of themselves that way. This usage is enjoying a resurgence
of popularity, especially with the mainstreaming of the well-liked African-American usages ("girlfriend"
 and "You go, girl!). "Girl"
is seen on T-shirts and in names like Cybergrrl, the Riot Grrrls, and the Guerrilla Girls. "No longer just
a badge of youth or a sign of silliness, servitude, or class difference, 'Girl!' has become a mark of pride in
one's gender, a sarcastic scoff at those who for centuries patronized females with its use" (Jessica B. Baker,
in Lilith). For others to refer to women this way is unacceptable--particularly in the workplace--unless given
tacit or explicit permission by them to use it.
Mariah Burton Nelson notes the use of "girl" as an insult in sports, as in "you play/throw/catch
like a girl." Calling a boy a girl is an annihilating put-down--a major marker of societal sexism and an indicator
of the culture's opinion of women.
We have yet to come up with a concise, appropriate, universally accepted term to describe the woman we love. Those
in committed relationships (whether opposite-sex or same-sex) need a word with the corresponding weight and meaning
of "wife" or "spouse" or "fiancee" to denote their partners. Discussing the problem
of introducing the woman she's lived with for seven years to her boss, syndicated columnist Deb Price concludes,
"Who says the gay rights movement hasn't made a lot of progress? In just 100 years, we've gone from the love
that dare not speak its name to the love that doesn't know its name."
The increasing numbers of heterosexual couples living in stable, longterm relationships have the same problem.
None of the following terms work in all situations; some hardly work in any situation. But until the right word
comes along, you might want to consider: friend; woman friend (if "man friend" is also used); female
friend (if "male friend" is also used); best friend; spouse (E.J. Graff, in Out magazine, says "'Spouse'
at least puts the pair in the same bed.
 Unlike 'lover,' 'spouse' knows the
bedroom is just one of many rooms in the house"); partner, domestic partner, or life partner (despite its
business associations, this is one of the most popular choices); companion (literally, the person with whom you
share bread) or longtime companion (this is the second most popular choice); the woman I'm seeing; significant
other; soulmate; constant/loving/live-in/intimate companion/partner; partner of long standing; escort, date, datemate,
steady, romantic interest, heartthrob; mate, housemate, roommate, bunkie; paramour, consort, lover, longtime love,
live-in, live-in lover; fiancee, betrothed, sweetheart; sweetie, gal pal, main/major squeeze (and for stars, "offscreen
squeeze"); my reason for living, the love/light of my life, alter ego, second self, mainstay, the woman in
my life.
"This is my steady" works fairly well. Or, clutch the woman's arm possessively or tenderly or in some
other -ly way, and say, "This is my ... [hesitate here] friend [loaded emphasis on "friend"], Mara."
People will get it. You might then add, "We've been together for X years." "Girlfriend," meaning
pal or buddy, has made a comeback and is acceptable where "boyfriend" in the same sense has not and is
not. Rosalie Maggio
ABOUT ROSALIE
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE
MAGGIO was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli
e sorella, her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from
their past and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St.
Paul, MN, Rosalie is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every
year and her hobbies include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular
interest to feminists are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language,"
"The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership,"
"Talking About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life",
"How to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is
"Unspinning the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Check out the Comments from our Readers
on Rosalie's first article "Lion/Lioness" just click here: Feminist Language ...
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to Rosalie: maggio1@juno.com or to Joan: womansvoice123@gmail.com.
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I am an actor; I don't
understand actress. You don't call doctors "doctoresses" or "doctorettes," you call them "doctors."
Whoopi Goldberg (1989)
They say that there
is no reality before it has been given shape by words rules regulations. They say that in what concerns them everything
has to be remade starting from basic principles. They say that in the first place the vocabulary of every language
is to be examined, modified, turned upside down, that every word must be screened. Monique Wittig (1969)
A trite word is an
overused word which has lost its identity like an old coat in a second-hand shop. Anais Nin (1950)
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OCTOBER 2010
CREATING A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances…..;”
Contrary to popular assumption, Shakespeare did not
invent the metaphor; it was already in common use by the 16th century and he would have expected his audiences
to recognize it. But today with feminism in the wings, much about language has been changing and some things have
become rather difficult to recognize. So this month Rosalie puts the spotlight on the stage players.---Joan Michel
ACTOR/ACTRESS
Actors Brad Pitt, Diane Kruger
and director Quentin Tarantino
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The word of choice for a feminist is definitely "actor." What the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and
Sciences want to do about this is an issue for them and for women and men in that discipline. I myself am torn
because if you have awards only for "best actor," "best supporting actor," etc., it will cut
the available Oscar spots in half and, based on history and experience, most of them will go to men. Sorry, but
that's the way I'd call it. The fairest solution at this point is to have "best actor, male" and "best
actor, female," although that had problems. I'm looking for someone smarter than I am to resolve this. But
"actress" as a professional designation should probably be eliminated.
From my Unspinning the Spin (unpublished manuscript to be brought out by the Women's
Media Center of NYC): "Women who call themselves actors point out that they are members of the U.S. Actors'
Guild or British Actors' Equity Association. 'I think actresses worry about eyelashes and cellulite, and women
who are actors worry about the characters we are playing (Alfre Woodard, in The New York Times. 'Actor' was used
for both sexes for about 75 years before the appearance of 'actress' ('a woman who is an actor'). The specification
of gender and the subset supports the male-as-norm system."
Incidentally one can scarcely talk about acting without falling over Shakespeare sooner or later. All his characters,
including female characters, were played by men (and were written to be played by men). Pamela Hobbs points out
in the Los Angeles Times "There were no actresses on the Elizabethan stage, only actors."
Can you imagine seeing in a dictionary: "Actor: a male actress"? I thought not. Many women insist on
being called "actors"--the ones I know of for sure include Whoopi Goldberg, Meryl Streep, and Jodi Foster.
I have seen a few women in print refer to themselves as an actress. If I were interviewing the person, I'd first
make sure she wanted to be known that way. If she did, I'd honor it. Now if she referred to other women as "actresses,"
I would quibble. It's one thing for someone to name herself an "actress," but another thing to call other
women "actresses." Rosalie
Maggio
ABOUT ROSALIE
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE MAGGIO
was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli e sorella,
her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from their past
and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, MN, Rosalie
is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every year and her hobbies
include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular interest to feminists
are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language," "The New Beacon
Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership," "Talking
About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life", "How
to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is "Unspinning
the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Got opinions? Send them to maggio1@juno.com or to womansvoice123@gmail.com
.
Check out the Comments from our Readers on Rosalie's first article "Lion/Lioness" just click here: Feminist Language ...
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to maggio1@juno.com
or to
womansvoice123@gmail.com.
Back to Table of Contents
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Some words bedevil
me.
Audre Lorde (1962)
Beware how you
contradict prejudices, even knowing them to be such, for the generality of people are much more tenacious of their
prejudices than of anything belonging to them.
Susan Ferrier (1824))
Language, as symbol,
determines much of the nature and quality of our experience. Sonia Johnson (1991)
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September 2010
CREATING A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
WHAT'S IN A SURNAME?
A lot.
Surname is a synonym of family name, also commonly known as a last name, which may be a patronymic or matronymic
or a combination, and some mononymous cultures do not use surnames at all. In Western cultures such as ours, foremothers’
identities disappear into the great beyond as upon marriage after marriage after marriage the father’s surname
is passed down the line, and hyphenated family names eventually lead to utter confusion.
Reflecting on Rosalie’s recommendations, Jean Ambrose voices her concern about this, and although it is not strictly
a language problem, she’s looking for answers. So this month Rosalie tackles the issue.--- Joan Michel
MAIDEN NAME
Please use birth/given/birth family/family/former/original/premarital name, family of origin name, original surname.
"Birth name" is the most commonly used term. A Rhode Island probate court judge surprised a woman who
 thought her birth name was hers by
ruling that a wife could not use her birth name without her husband's permission; the American Civil Liberties
Union challenged the ruling. Keeping one's birth name is not as widespread as it is perceived to be: only 10% of
U.S. married women do not use their husband's last name. Since 1979, women in Quebec legally retain their surname
upon marriage unless they make a special application to change it (Ruth King, Talking Gender). In Sicily, many
women have two names--their own "public" name and their married "private" name.
Keeping one's own name is fairly simple except when a couple has children. Do they take her name? his name? a hyphenated
name (the next generation will really have some issues)? a new, commonly held name? A progressive couple who had
twin daughters gave one her name, one his name, and this has not appeared to have caused any social, emotional,
or practical problems for any of the four of them. But it's not always so easy. I've been thinking about this for years and still don't see a tidy solution.
Personally, I use my birth name (hey, this is ME!), but I will, on rare occasions, use my husband's name if I need
to demonstrate a connection to him or to our children. I have credit cards and letterhead stationery in both my
own name and my married name but it's been about 20 years since I've used the latter stationery.
When using surnames, be sure you treat men's and women's name in a parallel fashion: if you use his surname alone
(Tascher), don't add a social title to hers (Ms. Demeter); if you call her Magnolia, don't call him Mr. Bartleby.
With reference to married couples, too often he is the main Primrose while she is Mrs. Primrose, Deborah, or Deborah
Primrose; they should be referred to as Charles Primrose and Deborah Primrose, Mr. Primrose and Ms. Primrose, or
Deborah and Charles. Some 90% of married women in the United States take their husband's last name, according to
a poll conducted for American Demographics magazine; those breaking with tradition are more likely to be young,
affluent achievers. Only six states recognize a statutory right for men to take their wives' last name. A man who
wants to take his wife's name must petition the court, advertise in a newspaper, and pay hundreds of dollars in
fees; a woman needs only to fill out a marriage license application (Ms.).
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE MAGGIO
was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli e sorella,
her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from their past
and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, MN, Rosalie
is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every year and her hobbies
include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular interest to feminists
are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language," "The New Beacon
Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership," "Talking
About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life", "How
to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is "Unspinning
the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Got opinions? Send them to maggio1@juno.com or to womansvoice123@gmail.com
.
Check out the Comments from our Readers on Rosalie's first article "Lion/Lioness" just click here: Feminist Language ...
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to maggio1@juno.com
or to
womansvoice123@gmail.com.
Back to Table of Contents |
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Some words bedevil
me.
Audre Lorde (1962)
Beware how you
contradict prejudices, even knowing them to be such, for the generality of people are much more tenacious of their
prejudices than of anything belonging to them.
Susan Ferrier (1824))
Language, as symbol,
determines much of the nature and quality of our experience. Sonia Johnson (1991)
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August 2010
CREATING
A FEMINIST LANGUAGE
FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
Rosalie Maggio made a fantastic VFA debut that elicited a great deal of fan mail, a shortened selection (because
of space allotted) of which follows. The subject of a feminist language is something all women---particularly feminists
(and non-feminists certainly should be!)---are passionate about. This column, her second, covers an important but
too-rarely discussed issue.---Joan
Michel
PARENT
 When talking about parents,
here are three recommendations:
- (1) use "fathers and mothers" or "mothers
and fathers" rather than the inclusive "parents," in order to make both sexes visible.
- (2) Do not assume "parent" translates
to "mother"; mail on infant care is addressed "Dear Mother" and an ad for an adhesive tape
makes "diapering so easy, even Dad can do it." While the reality is that more women than men are active
parents, it is also reality that many more men than before are becoming involved in parenting and should be given
the name as well as the game. A step in the right direction: some stores now have diaper-changing counters in both
the men's and the women's restrooms.
- (3) When working with children, do not assume
that the child lives with both parents; many children live with only one parent, with a parent and stepparent,
with a guardian, with grandparents, in a foster home, or with two parents of the same sex. Teacher David Salmela
asks his elementary-school pupils to take notes home to "the adults" at their house. Rosalie Maggio
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE MAGGIO was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and
today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli e sorella, her best friends, she has recently co-authored
"Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from their past and e-mail exchanges from their collective present.
A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St. Paul, MN, Rosalie is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud
mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every year and her hobbies include a daily walk in the woods and collecting
inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular interest to feminists are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A
Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language," "The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse
to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership," "Talking About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language,"
"Quotations from Women on Life", "How to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary
of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is "Unspinning the Spin."
More about Rosalie at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Got opinions? Send them to maggio1@juno.com or to womansvoice123@gmail.com
.
Check out the Comments from our Readers on Rosalie's first article "Lion/Lioness" just click here: Feminist Language ...
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send them to
maggio1@juno.com or to womansvoice123@gmail.com.
Back to Table of Contents
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FLUSHING THE SNEAKY
SEXISM OUT OF LANGUAGE AND TALKING FEMINIST
Some words bedevil me.
Audre Lorde (1962)
It is not that I am playing word
games, it is that the word games are there, being played, and i am calling attention to it. Alice Molloy (1973)
Words can destroy. What we call each
other ultimately becomes what we think of each other, and it matters. Jeane J. Kirkpatrick (1982)
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July 2010
Why are women---particularly feminists---still using attachments to a word to denote "female"? Wrong
wrong offensive! Those attachments are diminutives, defining such as heroine as "a female hero." Aside
from in this case Hero being a woman (Leander the man), why on earth are we still being defined as subsets of men?
1976 saw “Words and Women” followed in 1980 by “The Handbook of Nonsexist Writing,” both coauthored by Casey Miller
and Kate Swift. Now here comes Rosalie Maggio---who's written marvelous books on the subject of sexist vocabulary
and how to avoid it---in the first of a series of articles designed to get the right word out. We've won lots of
battles and lost a few; language may just be our last uncharted frontier.
We'll be having a monthly follow-up column with members' responses to the previous month's article, so if you have
any thoughts, questions, even disagreements about the topic, please send them to womansvoice123@gmail.com.
Joan Michel
LION/LIONESS
 Like many women reading the otherwise quite
fabulous interview with Gloria Steinem in the Los Angeles Times (March 6, 2010), I was stopped by the use of "lioness"
to describe Steinem (the reference being to March coming in like a lion and going out like a lamb). As soon as
you have to fix a well-known expression to accommodate a woman, flags should go down on the play. By bringing to
mind the substitute expression (March coming in like a lioness and going out like a lamb), you get into "cute"
and you accent gender. It's not the real proverb, but it's sort of like it.
If that's good enough for you, it isn't for me. Unless you need to specify gender (talking about the old lion Fraser,
who fathered so many lion cubs, for example, or about Elsa the lioness of story), "lion" will do the
trick. By using the base word, expressions like "lion's share" are also inclusive. (What? The lioness's
share?)
 Feminine word endings (-ess, -ette,
-trix, -ine) specify a person's sex when it is irrelevant. They also carry a demeaning sense of littleness or triviality
(Rush Limbaugh derides women who succeed in traditionally male-dominated professions as "professorettes"
and "lawyerettes"). Which would you rather have, a kitchen or a kitchenette? I'm not saying a kitchenette
isn't great, but it is certainly different from a kitchen.
Most important, these ending perpetuate the notion that the male is the norm and the female is a subset, a deviation,
a secondary classification. A poet is defined as "one who writes poetry" while a poetess is defined as
"a female poet"; men are thus "the real thing" and women are sort of like them. The recommended
procedure is to use the base word for both sexes (thus, "waiter" instead of "waitress," "executor"
instead of "executrix").
Rosalie Maggio
Of Sicilian heritage, ROSALIE
MAGGIO was born in Texas, grew up in Fort Dodge, IA, and today lives in Pine Mountain, CA. With her seven fratelli
e sorella, her best friends, she has recently co-authored "Pieces of Eight," a memoir of anecdotes from
their past and e-mail exchanges from their collective present. A graduate of The College of St. Catherine, St.
Paul, MN, Rosalie is married to David Koskenmaki and the proud mother of three. She reads hundreds of books every
year and her hobbies include a daily walk in the woods and collecting inkwells. Among her 20 books of particular
interest to feminists are the "Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language,"
"The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women," "An Impulse to Soar: Quotations by Women on Leadership,"
"Talking About People: A Guide to Fair and Accurate Language," "Quotations from Women on Life",
"How to Say It," "Nonsexist Wordfinder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage." Coming soon is
"Unspinning the Spin."
More about her at www.rosaliemaggio.com.
Your Comments are Welcome! Just Send
them to maggio1@juno.com or to womansvoice123@gmail.com.
Here's our Reader's Comments to Rosalie's
FIRST article Lion/Lioness!
Elaine Bernstein Partnow
Hooray to Rosalie Maggio's article
on sexist language. Rosalie is a friend and a wonderful writer. I am a writer, an author, a public speaker and
an actor (not an authoress or an actress: women were barred from performing a few hundred years back and when once
they were allowed on stage, the subset actress began; most were regarded as no better than prostitutes).www.TheQuotableWoman.com
Kay Cole, kay@mitsi.com
The word I hate the most is suffragette. They were suffragists.
Diana Mara Henry
What a fascinating website! Thanks for sending it. Diana Mara Henry, photojournalist of the women's movement of
the 1970's and 1980's
Mary Orovan mary.orovan@worldnet.att.net
Thanks for alerting me to this. Interesting, I had just talked to Kate Swift on the phone a few days before--she's
doing well at 92? She talked about Maggio, said I should get to know her work, and her. Maggio's work is impressive
and important. How wonderful.--
Mary Ann Rossi, Appleton,
Wi
An excellent article "On Language: You Guys" by Audrey Bilger (Fall, 2002) on the use of "guys"
for both sexes is included in the book Bitchfest: Ten Years of Cultural Criticism from the Pages of Bitch Magazine
(edd. Lisa Jervis and Andi Zeisler). What does it take to stop this ubiquitous sexist usage?
Elinor Miller Greenberg,
Ed.D. ellie.greenberg@ucdenver.edu
Good reminder….I was once called a majorette…and I never changed that…but I was not really a drum major…hmmm--
Daniela Gioseffi Sept '09
VFA Feminist of the Month
Yes, we poets have been avoiding poetess for years. We all call ourselves poets. No one dares call us a poetess
since the late 60's. It's a big NO-NO. And heroine??? Is it a drug or a woman hero. --
Jean Richards:
Maggio's books are terrific! "Talking
About People" is one dictionary every English user needs. Fabulous! Words are the tools we use to shape our
reality and they can be used to empower and include or exclude and divide us. Let's be sure they are inclusive
and equivalent so that all humankind is included all the time.
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